Gastroscopy. 13/02/2012

Today was the day I'd been dreading for months - the day I had to have my gastroscopy done. Whenever I thought about having a camera shoved down my throat my stomach had turned, and now the day had finally arrived when I had to actually go through with it. I couldn't sleep because I was so scared and nervous - not to mention hungry (you can't eat for 6 hours before which, to most, doesn't sound like a long time, but to me that's not far from torture).

My best friend came with me and did her absolute best to keep me calm on the journey, something she's incredibly good at. However, this changed when we actually got the hospital. I had to sign in at reception, where they informed me that they operated a "patient only" system, so I'd have to wait in a room without Katie. I could have cried when they said that.

I walked down the corridor and opened the 4th door, as they'd told me to do. The waiting room was split into males and females, I'm not entirely sure why, but I'm glad nonetheless. There were only three other people in the female waiting room, so I didn't have to be around people for long. There were two women opposite who spent the entire time talking about how cough medicine had made one of them throw up, and how they'd given birth in the same hospital. Fascinating stuff, I'm sure you'll agree. They also insisted in talking so loud you couldn't help but hear them. Thankfully, there was a massive TV in the room and they were playing Quantum Leap. I don't know if anybody's watched that show, but it's bloody brilliant and you should!

I was sitting there for what felt like forever, BBMing Katie when the coast was clear. She informed me that the whole thing should take like an hour and a half, including 'coming round' from the sedation. I gave her Darren and Dave's numbers so she should keep them both in the loop. We also decided that it would probably be better if Dave met us at the hospital instead of at mine, because we didn't know how long the whole thing would take for sure.

I eventually got called in by a nurse, who took my details down and gave me that little band thing on your wrist. I was then left to wait in another room, until the consultant came to talk to me. My heart was beating stupidly fast at this point, in fact, it was beating so fast I thought I was going to faint or something. Again, the whole not eating or drinking thing was really getting to me. When the consultant came back, I knew the time had come. Fuck. I walked into the room and the amount of machinery was immense. Let me tell you, it did nothing to ease the nerves. A nice nurse started talking to me and prepping me for the whole thing, she put the thing in my arm that allowed them to inject the sedative, and she put that weird oxygen thing in my nose. That was an altogether strange experience. Then another nurse put this thing in my mouth so that it would stay open and I couldn't bite on the equipment. At least, that's what I'm assuming it was for. The consultant then put the sedative in my arm and I literally felt no different. I was still super aware of everything that was going on.

That's probably why when they tried to shove the camera thing down my throat, I kept pulling it out. I tried SO hard to let them just do their job, but to say it's uncomfortable is an understatement. Gagging and being sick are two of the most terrifying things for me, and I was definitely gagging. Then I was in a different room, coming round from the sedative. I could still remember EVERYTHING that had happened which was pretty shit. Turns out they couldn't do it because I kept pulling the tube out, so I'm probably going to have to do it all again.

I'm so angry with myself. I should have just stayed calm and let them do what needed to be done because, let's face it, it does need to be done. I think it was because I was so scared and nobody was talking me through the whole thing. Nobody told me what was going to happen next and even though I'd researched the procedure on the internet, it's not the same as having somebody there, in person, telling you what to expect next. I'm so determined to go through with it next time though, even if I gag endlessly, it has to be done.

I'm really glad Katie and Dave were there when I came out. Dave stayed at mine for a bit after, looking after me. He does that a lot; look after me. Poor guy.

Well, that was fun!

I went round David's on Thursday, with the intention of staying until Saturday and then going home. I ended up staying until today (Sunday). It was so good though - we cooked dinners and lunches, played LOTS of MW3, and cuddled on the sofa. Oh, and let's not forget the fact we went for a lovely walk in the snow too.
It feels a bit weird being home and him not being around. That being said, I'm so glad I'm home! I missed Katie so much and, even though I haven't seen her yet, it's nice just being close to her again; it's nice to know I can take a 10 minute walk to hers whenever I like.

So, yeah, that about sums up what I've been up to since Thursday.