I know it might seem quite strange that I feel like I'm finally growing up, given that I'm nearly 22 years of age, but I really do. There's lots of little things that make me feel this way and I guess this post is going to be based on them. At least, that's the intention. I tend to go off on one and I'll probably forget what I'm on about halfway through.
So, the first thing that makes me feel like I'm growing up is that fact I'm sitting at a desk, doing work (well, I was before I started this) and I'm enjoying it. I no longer want to wait until days before a deadline before I start doing work, I want to do it when I can and get it out the way so that I can check through what I've done and make any changes. In all my years of education, I have never wanted to do that before.
The second thing is that I'm now more willing to try things. Y'know how when you try and feed a young child vegetables, they sometimes throw a hissy fit - even though they don't know that they won't like them? Well, I was very much like that child (except I love vegetables). I was adamant I'd never go on a plane because I was sure I wouldn't like it, but now I'm willing to try. Okay, I'm not so keen on having to spend £80 on a passport, but I think it'll be worth it. Also, despite being a massive foodie, there's a lot of foods that I didn't like or wasn't willing to try, but that's changed now. I'm happy to try things and I almost look forward to it. I mean, I can now eat mushrooms. That alone is nothing short of a miracle.
Thirdly, I'm sitting in a clean room. It's not spotless, but it's really not that far from it. This is the first time I've had a clean room since moving into this room. I'm not entirely sure when I moved into it, but it was definitely a while ago. It's really lovely and it definitely helps to motivate me to do things.
As well as all of those things, I feel that, for the first time in my life, I'm in a proper, adult relationship. One where I trust him completely and I know that he's there for me whenever I need him. In my head, I've got big plans for us. Okay, they're not actually that big - they mainly consist of me having lots of pugs - but the point is, they're things that I want us to share. I want him to be by my side for a LONG time. I want to be 30 years old and waking up beside him. It's a scary thought, but really quite lovely too. Oh, and if he ever reads this, I'm going to have the nice office and you may share it with me. Okay?
What else has made me feel like I'm growing up recently? Oh yeah, the realisation that the reason I break down over stupid things sometimes is because I spend 99% of my time fighting how much I miss my mum and how much it hurts that she's gone, that sometimes I don't have enough fight left over for anything else. You'd think I'd have realised this sooner, given the fact it's been nearly 7 years since she died, but nope! I told Dave this last night and he said "Well I'm here to help you fight." It was probably one of the nicest things I've ever been told.
I think getting work published has also helped to make me feel more grown-up. It feels like a big thing, whenever I see my name next to something I've written. I can't really describe it, but it's a nice feeling. I guess it's reassuring, in a way; as though I'm good at what I want to do, or at least good enough to get it published.
Perhaps the biggest thing that's made me feel grown up would be the fact that I'll be leaving university in May and I'll have to get a job and pay bills and do all the things real grown-ups do. I'm half scared and half excited. It's an adventure, right? Bring it on!
