Okay, so as a kind of follow up from the whole ‘I’m growing up’ blog post, I’ve decided to do one about things that I’ve learnt about myself. Some of them aren’t altogether new things but perhaps things I didn’t realise quite so much, if that makes sense.
First off, I’m impatient. This is one of the things I’ve always kind of known but always tried to deny. The fact of the matter is there are times when I have the patience of a saint. For example, if I’m waiting for someone to give me things back that I’ve lent them. Prime example being about 3 years ago, I lent my friend some DVD’s. It’s only in the past year that I’ve started badgering him about giving them back. That’s patience if ever I heard of it! Then there are times when I have zero patience: waiting for my order to be taken at a restaurant, waiting to get my food at a restaurant, walking behind the slowest walker in the world, when I get up early and have to wait for everyone else to wake up. That’s just a few.
Secondly – I’m not independent. I think there was once a time I liked to pretend I was independent but, really, I’m so far from it. I can manage going to the shops alone or going to a friend’s house or uni, provided I have my iPod, but other than that I struggle. There’s absolutely no way I could go shopping by myself. I’ve done it once or twice before and it was horrible. The mere thought of going for a walk alone is mildly terrifying. I have no idea how people do it, seriously. I’m going to attempt it later, so fingers crossed I get somewhere.
Not being independent is probably the one thing that I want to change most about myself. Well, it’s a tie between that and my low self-esteem, but it’s definitely first or second on my list. It’s not even healthy, if you think about it. I’m nearly 22 and I practically have to have my hand held in order to go anywhere or do anything. Hopefully this will change in the upcoming months.
Another thing I’ve noticed about myself is that I bite my tongue a lot. I’ve always done it but usually only if what I wanted to say would hurt someone else’s feelings. Recently though, I’ve been doing it at university or whatever. There’ll be something I’m dying to say and I won’t say it. I think that mostly stems from being in a class of 99% girls. Girls intimidate me. A lot. I could list a billion reasons why but I’m not going to. So this is going to be another thing I hope to change. Obviously, I would never intentionally set out to hurt somebody’s feelings so I’ll continue to bite my tongue in that respect (unless it REALLY needs to be said), but in terms of things that wouldn’t really affect anyone, it’s got to change.
This might surprise anyone I know who reads this but… I recently cleaned my room. I mean, proper cleaned it. I swept the floor and I polished the units and desk. In fact, even having a desk is amazing because it was so covered in junk before. Doing this has helped me realise how much I prefer being in a clean environment. It’s easier to work in it, it’s easier to find things, and it definitely looks a lot better. There have been times before when I’ve part-cleaned my room and told myself, and those around me, that I’d keep it clean but I never did. This time, though, I will.
I’ve also learnt that I really enjoy museums. Ever since going on a date with Dave to the Natural History Musuem, I’ve been desperate to go to more. I’ve googled museums countless times, noting down which ones I want to go to (the free ones, obviously!) and when they’re open. So when Dave’s back off tour and less busy, I’m going to drag him to as many as I can before he gets bored of them.
Lastly, I have the lowest self-esteem I’ve ever had in my life. When I was 12 years old, I wasn’t particularly confident, but I believed in myself and my abilities. I’m not entirely sure what’s happened since then to change it but something has. I now have no faith in myself or what I can do. I second guess everything and doubt everything. When Dave says nice things about me, I doubt them because I don’t see what he does. When friends tell me nice things, I doubt them too. It’s ridiculous and it needs to change.
So, yeah… This has been my follow-up blog post! Bye!